DISCLAIMER: I just want to say that anything that is discussed regarding body image, mental health or any other sensitive issue in my blogs is my personal experience and everyone is different. Don’t get me wrong, I would love love love for this to help people and for people to be able to relate, however, it is relative. If something upsets you that I say or is triggering PLEASE do not be afraid to message me, even if it’s to clarify something (sometimes words may be construed in the wrong way).

This has been so much harder to begin than I thought – it is so difficult to find the right words. There have been so many times that I have talked myself out of doing this, but I feel like it will be important to heal. Today is a Sunday and I have given myself the time to do this because it finally feels like the right time to share this.

Note: I did not finish this on a Sunday (oops).

So, here goes. I am one of the most open people you will meet. I don’t like to hide anything – what’s the point, right? At the end of August this year, it was so tough, unbelievably tough for me. You must be thinking “Oh God, what happened to her???”The short answer is nothing. Nothing happened. Ok then… what’s this post about then? That’s the thing, in August it was what may be described as hitting ‘rock bottom’. By this, I am referring to my mental health. It was the hardest time I have ever experienced in my life. It had been building up for such a long time, but life got in the way. You tell yourself that you’ll do something about it, you’ve just got to do X, Y or Z before you can get to that. But then you get a cold and you treat that straight away. So, why is it that we prioritise physical symptoms over mental?

My Mum took me to the GP after confessing to her that I had had enough and I didn’t want to be here anymore, so I couldn’t say no. I will be forever grateful that she did. I was diagnosed with depression, which was largely due to my anxiety building up over time. The doctor prescribed me with 6 months of antidepressants. Today, those 6 months are over and I am not taking them anymore. Honestly, I am so proud of myself (cringe). But, I never thought it would happen. Back in November, I had a huge setback and had to increase the dosage to 100mg (I started at 50mg which is the normal dose for Sertraline). BUT HERE I AM. I am writing this with tears in my eyes (cringe again). I want to share this with people so they know they are not alone and you can get better. Things will get better, no matter how many times you get set back.

A lot of people wouldn’t necessarily assume that I was unhappy by looking at me. I smile a lot, I laugh and it’s fine because they don’t see all that other stuff. It makes you believe that “well… if no-one knows that I am suffering, maybe I can try to make myself believe that I’m ok”. Speaking from experience though, if you are struggling in any way, PLEASE do something about it. Do not delay it because other things seem to be more important. Whether it is talking to friends, family, a teacher, lecturer, mentor, doctor etc… There are so many people who would be willing to help, you need to understand that you are not alone no matter how much you feel like you are. You are not crazy, you are not being selfish, you are not weird and there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you. Your mental health problems will not define you either, it is just part of who you are and getting help is the best place to start if you are struggling.

Mental health is becoming more and more discussed in every day life which is a huge step forward. It shouldn’t be something that people are afraid of talking about, because they fear that people will assume certain things about them. My last piece of advice is for this post is that you are allowed to have down days, to cry, to be stressed. These are perfectly normal human emotions, so if you are currently going through a bad time, just remember that some days will be worse than others, but it is important to take each day as it comes. A great way to deal with this, is through a practice I learnt in the mindfulness course I am currently undertaking. Labelling your feelings as ‘comfortable’ and ‘uncomfortable’ emotions can sometimes help, because it doesn’t make them positive and negative, it helps us perceive our feelings in a kinder way.

Thank you for reading. If anyone and I mean anyone needs someone to talk to, you can send me a DM on instagram/any other social media. I hope this can show even those ‘happy’ looking people can have tough times, and it is so important to be kind to everyone you meet because you don’t know what they might be going through.

EDIT: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MY FRIENDS AND OTHERS WHO HAVE MESSAGED ME SINCE POSTING THIS. I have cried sm but all happy tears love you guys xxx